How Did Child Support Affect You As A Father?

My ex came to me one day and said “I’m going to need child support.” and I said ok. Then she asked if I wanted to go through court or do it myself. I told her I would take care of it and proceeded to look up child support requirements for both the state she lived in and my state, Louisiana and Mississippi respectively. After finding out what both states required I did the math and added extra to make sure I was good.

The first time we met to give her the money I had brought a receipt book to keep track of the payments. She had brought a friend and the friend said she was surprised that I would give that amount without and order from the court. That her ex had to pay about half of what I was paying voluntarily. He made more money than I did and complained about the bit that he payed out for his two children. I said simply “They’re their my kids.” After a couple times of meeting I decided that it was too much hassle dealing with her and came up with a different idea.

I went to Walmart and got a Walmart money card. I put her name to it and we both got a card with our own names on it. I was able to put money on it each month. She was able to use the card or draw it off completely. The monthly cost of 3 bucks was cheaper than the cost in time and fuel.

I learned immediately that she bought a lot of stuff that I wouldn’t approve of. I looked it up and found out that I have no say so in where or how the money is used. The first year we started this I found out her boyfriend had taken all the money he made and ran off. He ran off drinking and God knows what else. She wasn’t working at all at that time. I have a Discover card and had I keep my points to use for Christmas. Since her two new kids wouldn’t have a Christmas I offered to let her choose up to 100 bucks per child in gifts so they too would have Christmas. My two daughters remember that dad saved Christmas.

My two girls know that I sent money each month. Every month. Even when I lost my job. I called her up and told her I had lost my job but I would keep my word. Even when I had shoulder surgery, from an automobile accident, and was out of work for 3 months. I sent her money. Though it was 100 bucks less per month. She got mad at that but it is what it is. I had no money coming in and was living off of my savings.

When I went back to work after the surgery I was making less money than before so I recalculated and sent the new amount. 50 bucks less per month if I remember correctly. She was not happy with that either but it was still more than the courts would have required.

I sued my former employer for the 3 months I had lost in wages and settled for 10k. After legal fees I received 7,500 dollars. To that money I added 500 bucks and set it aside for my daughters to get a vehicle. 4k each. I knew that she hadn’t planned at all for them to drive.

When my oldest daughter got her drivers license, which I paid 450.00 for the course (In my day drivers ed was free through the school). I also paid for my youngest daughters drivers ed course. I got them both cell phones and paid for the monthly service. I wasn’t going to allow my daughters out on the road without a way to call for help in case they got stranded somehow. My oldest got her car on her birthday and my youngest on hers 14 months later. I actually had to add about 400 more dollars for each vehicle because of taxes and stuff.

Now the question was how did this affect me. It affected me positively I believe. Here’s why.

They are my kids. I made that clear from the start. My kids now know that I would walk through fire for them because when I had hard times I still made sure they was taken care of. They saw their mother spend their child support money on drink, smokes, tattoos etc while they didn’t get the stuff they should. They got to see me make sure they had school supplies, my youngest daughter plays the flute awesomely well. The flute she got was bought by me above and beyond child support. She used a school flute to learn and when she wanted to do it in high school I got her a really nice Yamaha YFL-381H Intermediate Flute SILVER HEAD GOLD LIP PLATE MINT and made her dream happen. She was Drum Major for her Senior year, very proud.

Because of child support I was able to build a relationship with my daughters. Because of child support my children was able to see the real me and not some twisted version spat out by their mother. Because of child support my children saw I would go without to make sure they didn’t have to.

Thank you for your time.

Edit: Wow this really took off. I have never had an answer with this much activity. Lots of support and a few questions. Here’s a quick rundown to try and answer some of the questions.

The question was “How did child support affect you as a father” and that is the answer I tried to stay with. I was just trying to give a little background and then how it affected me. But a lot of people assume things not written . So here we go.

We was never married, engaged yes but not actually married. So there never was a divorce. And since there was not a divorce there never was a court order for her to have custody of the children. Lawyers are expensive and especially family law can get real costly outrageously fast.

“An unwed man who is legally designated as the father has the same custody rights as a married father. If an unmarried couple is raising their child together in the same home, custody is not an issue. But if at any time they separate, the father will need to petition a court to establish custody rights.”