I’m going to tell you a funny story about piercing.
My daughter just turned 15. She is petrified of all needles. Like when she needs shots, it takes 45 minutes of carrying on like a toddler to get her to take it. Forget bloodwork.
She wanted her ears pierced when she was 7. The first time we went, we left. She couldn’t do it. The second time, she was successful. She fainted.
So I give you this background to tell this funny anecdote.
This past school year she started HS. She lives with me for one week, then her dad the next. I’m far more laid back than he is. I’m sure he thinks I’m oblivious because I’m so laid back. But, I’m not. I notice lots of things; I just don’t make a federal case out of everything. I also believe in bodily autonomy.
So around Christmastime, I am looking at her and I say, “Is that just the earring or did you get a second hole?”
She started laughing and said, “47 days!”
She had pierced her ear 47 days earlier and no one had noticed it. I was mortified. She said she knew no one would notice and that I would notice first if anyone did.
She said, “oh, and don’t feel bad, I did it at daddy’s. So that’s where the bloody towel was.”
So after we had a talk about why she shouldn’t have done in her room without anyone knowing – sterilization, the risk for infection, etc. I told her it was her body and she was allowed to do that sort of stuff, I just really needed to know. Because if she had developed some infection, I would need to know why.
She got it.
Would I ever turn her out over something silly like this? A piercing??? No, God no! Why would you do that? Is it because you “love her and you want her to learn to respect the rules of the house? How will she learn if I’m not tough on her?” How does turning her away for such a mild teen infraction show her love? It shows her intolerance and inflexibility. It will make her hide everything about herself. She has learned she can’t trust you.
Over a silly hole in her nose?
I also said these two final things to my daughter, “Never another peep when you need a shot and if daddy finds out, I don’t care that I discovered it first. I know nothing.”
Daddy still has no clue.