Hi… I am 18 years old boy at my last stage of blood cancer and I will probably die within next 5 to 6 months. I am going anonymous because my parents follow me on quora.
I was diagnosed with leukaemia in june 2015 exactly on my birthday. I have lot to tell but I can not tell anyone as I always have my parents around and they themselves are broken from inside and they would leave hope if I left hope.
I have a sister she is 23 and she takes care of all my needs. I love her very much. But I simply can not do anything for her because I am bed ridden. I get a lot of visitors from my old school and family.
My parents and my sister do their best to cheer me up and make me smile but I can not as it is very dufficult when you know you are about to die. I feel ashamed of myself as I can not move and I sometimes pee on the bed itself as I have no control over my nerves. All the doctors whom I have been shown to, say that I must do whatever I like as I have very less time left. Each and every doctor has said to leave hope and just enjoy life. I know my family cries when I am asleep or listening to songs or when I am not around. But I am helpless I just can not do anything. But yes I do appreciate that they somehow hold their tears back in front of me. My sister cheers me up as she calls her college friends at home and we play ludo and have a good time.
The point that makes me sad is that ispite of all the efforts my family makes I am unable to do anything for them espescially my sister. I am extremely attatched to her but I have no words to thank her. I wish god gave me another life…. Just one chance I would work extremely hard to make my family proud. All I dream is of getting well and working for my family.
This is it my story
Thanks for Reading…
Humble request
Please do pray for my family so that God can give them strength. 🙂 🙂
EDIT 1
Thanks to all the upvoters.
Writing gives me releif.
My sister caught me writing this answer and when she read it she set to tears and I could not hold myself and started to cry on my helplessness. She told that she loves me the most. She said that she had no problem in cleaning my dirty clothes and pushing my wheelchair and feeding me she just demands that I should stay happy forever.
I will reveal my identity if my sister this to my parents. But this totally depends on her.
Please stay tuned as I have 5 or at max 6 months left and then this would be closed
Thanks for reading
Humble request: keep praying
🙂
EDIT 2
The response is clearly amazing….
Thanks to all
I want to really clarify somethings.
1 I do not want any money my family can take care of my needs thanks for your health.
2 I do not wish to reveal my identity as I had already tried this with one of the people commenting here and it the consequences were disheartning
3 For those people who think this is a dram you are free to think so but your views really turn like these when you are nearing your end and the worse part is you know about it.
4 I write for my hearts relief and not for any kninds of financial favours from anyone.
I do tell my parents that I love them a lot but I can not share my pain because if I ever did that they would feel extremely weak to see their son losing hope hence I chose quora and anonymity.
They try to find out every possible source of miraculous recovery story they could and tell me to keep myself motivated and even I want one such thing to happen but I get very negative thought when I see people turning their faces and simply not to talk or even look at me when I am in park and again I have my sister by my me side.
I had a beautiful childhood like I and my sister were like typical brother sisters fighting for small things like for watching tv and I used to enjoy it a lot but now there is no fight and she allows me to watch anything I like and does everhything for me I tell her this almost everyday and she feels great.
I write my heart out here (as the ques suggests) and not in anyway for any favours
Thanks for praying
Keep praying
🙂
October 28
Thanks to all the upvoters… and all the prayers.
Some comments coming up like you want to give some years of your life to me. Please do not think that ever again. You have 2 functional hands, legs all 5 senses (sight, sound(ears), taste, smell and touch (skin)) intact and a good brain to think deeply. So stop thinking as your life directional was and start working. Make your family proud. Your family does everything for you. And if not for your family do something good for yourself.
I say it because When you are on your deathbed some 60–70 years from now you must not regret the fact that you wasted time and could not accomplish your targets. You do not realise how much time you have and how much can be done in that.
Now coming to some of my feelings.. (your choice read it or leave it)
I have some sort of insecurity that I would be left alone and that is not just from a day or 2 but from 3–4 weeks. I do not know why but it’s there. I have discussed this with my sister and she assures me that she would be there all the time. I mean I annoy my family members sometimes like I always want someone in front of my eyes. It sounds pathetic but it’s true.
I vomitted yesterday night it was almost all blood and something’s that I had eaten the whole day ( it’s quite normal as it happens 4 times a week). Naturally I was very depressed this morning so my sister took off from her college and kept me busy by discussing older times like how we both messed up together and how I cried when she teased me I was adopted.
I still remember that I and my sis used to hide remote in the washroom when it was time for some important cartoon (for me it was dragon ballz and for her it was suite life of Zack and Cody) and we used to have some insecurity when our parents gave one of us more attention than the other.
There are lots of things like these.
If I rewind and look into my life I realize how messi I was and my sister even then helped me she had been of constant support to me. I owe her everthing. I write this in every answer but I can’t help it I just love her.
I have realized one thing that I do not want to leave in misery. All the time I have I will enjoy and annky my sister and parents.
Thanks a lot to quora it’s great.
Thanks for reading
Keep praying
🙂
15 November 2k18
Thanks all for your overwhelming response..
I have lots of feelings to share as I had been in critical condition for almost last 15 days…
I have lost my voice because I spat blood so many times that my throat has constant piercing sensation. About a week ago I thought I would die and I wanted to tell my family everything and that is what I did.
I can not imagine how much my parents and my sister love me. They never felt bad helping me rather they wanted me to be fine. My sister is an angel. She has been with me all the time. Though I have become annoyed by my sickness and fought with her many times but she always handled me with care. Whenever I saw anyone in my room it was her in the last 15 days. She is more than God to me.
Now I get feelings like it is better to die in peace rather than suffering so much. I sometimes seem to have lost all hope and strength.
My parents are going mad to see my condition going from bad to worse but they are not ready to loose me and even I can not convince them.
There is almost no happiness left in my life. All the time I see my parents trying to convince me I would be fine and me trying to convince them to be ready for my loss. I feel so bad and blessed at the same time that I am spending the last chapter of my life with people whom I love the most but I feel myself weak when I am unable to do anything for them.. I do try to explain myself that it is not my fault but these thoughts overpower my thinking and leave me depressed most of the time.
People say to enjoy life but how do you enjoy life when you can not walk, talk, or when you are scared of eating(yes I am scared as whatever I eat I vomit with blood)!!!!! I am scared of my own face it looks so horrible with pale skin and red marks.
How do you enjoy life when you have constant killing pain in your whole body and the only way you keep yourself feeling painless is by taking strong pain killers??
I am sorry if this hurt your feelings but I have had it enough. I either want a painless death or a painless cure. I am too depressed but there is nothing I can do…
I am sorry
Keep praying
