Mahogany Knowledge Tree

My 23-year-old son got a DUI last night and is asking for me to help financially.

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My 23-year-old son got a DUI last night and is asking for me to help financially. I can but I want him to learn his lesson. What should I do?

Wow! I can’t believe some of the answers I’m reading on here! I’ll answer the question from the perspective of the son with the DUI…

Before I do, a couple of things. First off,unlike the few answers I read on here, you should be incredibly happy that your 23 year old son told you immediately after he got it. I was 47 when I got mine and waited weeks until I told my mom!

Second, none of us here know the ins and outs of his (and your) financial situation. A DUI can cost up to 10K with lawyer fees, fines, and court costs. I don’t know many 23 year olds who have that kind of cash in hand. Will he pay you back?

Third, we don’t know the circumstances. When I got mine I was exactly .O1 over the limit. Not trying to make excuses but I honestly thought I was OK to drive—i got pulled over because I swerved slightly changing the CD in my car…

Besides the financial burden, your son is likely going to lose his license for 90 days! He will have a record, and maybe lose his job…

While my mother was not happy with me (and did not help me financially), she supported me through the whole ordeal of what came after. I was distraught enough with the other consequences and the embarrassment! I’m not sure I could have handled her punishing me or turning her back on me.

Believe me, your son is going to learn his lesson. I know I did—it was a wake up call to never ever drive again even if I remotely think I am anywhere near the legal limit. I always think of myself as lucky in a way—-what if I had been in an accident and killed someone that day?

Look—whether you help him out or not financially is up to you. But please remember he is your son and as his mother he will need your support right now, because he is about to go through an extremely difficult process, the least of which is the financial penalty…Adult Children: When to Help and When to Let Them Learn - WeHaveKids